I get asked all of the time if I have any regrets about my surgery. Today, nine months later I absolutely have none. I'm loving the way everything is working and how I'm looking. It feels amazing to go shopping in the store and actually have options in sizes. I love being able to walk long distances without getting winded after only 20 feet. I've also learned how to eat healthier. It wasn't necessarily by choice, but I've learned what my stomach could tolerate early on and just stuck with it. However, I will admit that everything hasn't been an easy ride at all. There was definitely a time when I was regretting it. Laying around feeling sorry for myself. I had never had major surgery before, so I didn't know if this was common or not. At a point in time I was so weak, miserable and depressed. That's not a good feeling for someone who's already been diagnosed with depression. For about 8-9 weeks after surgery I had so much regret. I felt like such a mess. It wasn't pretty at all. They told me that I should be back to work within 3 weeks. Uh...I couldn't even keep my eyes open or sit-up for too long. There was no way that I was going to be able to sit at a desk for hours on end. Even if I do work from home three out of five days a week...it wasn't happening. I couldn't eat anything. If I did try and eat something then I couldn't hold it down. The smell of different foods even made me so sick to the point that I couldn't even imagine eating anything. I was dehydrated because I couldn’t drink anything either. This went on for a couple of months after surgery. I didn’t think that I would ever feel like my old self again.
I was at my 6 week appointment with my surgeon and I wanted so badly for him to approve me for a few more weeks off of work. I still felt nauseous and weak. I was due back at work from my medical leave in just a couple of days and I just couldn't see it. He told me to go back to work on Monday and if after a week and I still feel bad then he would approve me for a few more weeks of leave. He also told me that one day I will just snap out of it and start feeling like myself gradually. I refused to believe him because I've felt this way for weeks now and I forgot what normal felt like. Still regretting the surgery after six weeks.
My first day back at work was such a mess. I was a mess and completely out of it. My acid reflux was also in overdrive. At this point it was the worse that it's been this entire time. So I tried to get back into the swing of things to see if that would help. I went to the cafeteria to get some egg whites and after 2 small bites I had to run to the restroom and throw up. I’m just like...really? I still couldn’t eat or drink anything. How am I supposed to get energy to be at work if I can't eat or drink. The only thing I felt that was saving me was my vitamin regiment that I had started. At this point I was still questioning my decision about this surgery that I had. I believed that after all of this time, I shouldn't be feeling like this. I just kept going back to what my surgeon had told me at my last appointment; that one day I will just snap out of it and I would feel so much better. And wouldn't you know that after a few weeks at work...I woke up one day and felt so much better. Acid reflux had calmed down to the point where I wasn't drooling all day. (yes...I would drool all day) I also had energy again and a little bit more of an appetite. it was so weird. He was right. LOL
However, I was made aware prior to surgery that I may relapse and have other issues that can arise during the first eighteen months post-op. So guess who has a relapse at 7 1/2 months. As soon as I started to feel better...BOOM...I'm down again. I couldn't keep anything down and everything gave me heartburn. I mean...EVERYTHING; even water. It was ridiculous. The only positive thing to come out of all of this is that I've been losing a shitload of weight. I know people thought that I was being distant, but I just felt like crap. I had to tell my family and friends to give me some time...I won't be back to 100% for a while.
I've just hit my nine month "surgiversary" a few days ago and currently I feel great. Well.. besides the minor moments of fatigue, but I guess that's expected every now and then. It's because my body is constantly changing and still going through a lot. It's a good thing though. I can tell I'm still losing weight, but I've hit the famous 8-9 month weight loss plateau where I haven't lost any weight in over a month. However, I can feel my body adjusting and my clothes are fitting much looser. After going through all of the bull that I've been through...now I can honestly say that I have absolutely no regrets about my surgery. I feel that many people who go through a surgical procedure; during the recovery process will start to feel sorry for themselves and even depressed as I felt. Who can blames us? Along with the frustration of the recovery process comes regret because you feel that this is all your fault. "If I wouldn't have had surgery then I wouldn't feel like this." For me, thank goodness this was a temporary feeling. My recovery was hard and stressful. I'm so glad that part is over. I'll continue to post and update about my recovery process post-surgery as time goes on. Hopefully by me sharing my experience will help others who plan on having or know someone who plans on having any type of bariatric surgery.
