HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! What I’ve learned in my 42 years…

…well, mainly the past 2 years. I normally don’t make a big deal about my birthday. Each year I’m just happy to have made it another year. But after the past 2 years, with all that I have gone through…I am speaking out on this here birthday. Besides the pandemic, I’ve had a cancer diagnosis and another cancer scare where I needed surgery to prevent myself from getting cancer. I lost 3 men in my life that I was extremely close to. I mean…it’s been a lot. The main highlight has been my nieces and nephew. When I am with them, it just makes me forget about everything else I am going through and I can just focus on them. It sounds weird saying that I am 42 years old…like how? I was just 16 sitting in my room listening to CDs on my stereo system all night long while talking on the phone. WTF? I’m thankful for sure, but it is crazy to just sit back and think. Think of all that has gone on in my life since the almost 24 years I have been out of high school, and the 19 years I have been out of college, the 21 years that I joined the workforce full-time, and most importantly, the 8 years that I finally started following my dream and created the Dannie B Speaks brand. At 42, I have lived…OKAY! I was clubbing by the time I was 16 and tired of it by the time I hit my early 30’s. I felt older, but mentally, I still had a lot of growing up to do. A lot of it! I think about how I would act, the things that would come out of my mouth. It was a lot. I let people’s treatment of me just roll off my back. Even if it was someone who I cared about or not. I let so much bother me and I was such an unhappy person. Between my job at the time, my weight getting out of control, letting people in my life who didn’t deserve to be there; it was killing me on the inside and I didn’t even know it. Not to mention that I was silently, unknowingly suffering from clinical depression and anxiety. At one point, I honestly thought that I was bipolar. This is not an exaggeration either. Of course, not knowing all of what being bipolar entailed, my ignorance blamed my temper and mood swings on possibly being bipolar. Nah sis…you were just unhappy and had so many unresolved issues. I had a lot of misplaced anger which was one of the first things that I truly noticed about myself. The people who truly deserved to be cussed out, usually wouldn’t get it until I got extremely fed up, which for me, it took a lot. Now, I can honestly say that IDGAF, and I will keep it pushing without thinking one time about it. The sad thing for me was that when I finally figured it out, I was approaching 40. Not a terrible thing because better late than never, but by now, the damage had been done. Honestly, some of it was truly damaging while some of the shit I have been through and dealt with was a blessing in disguise.

Let’s talk about the biggest thing that I have learned about myself in the past 2 years. These past 2 years have been a serious time of reflection and understanding my self-worth. Realizing what I will deal with and what I won’t deal with. Any type of relationship that I engage in from now on will only be what can you contribute to my well-being and my happiness. Nowadays people, even people that you may care about and those who you may just associate with have proven their selfishness and your lack of value to them. So I am doing the same thing. I am being extremely selfish and will not make any apologies about it. I have learned patience. It’s either patience or I just really don’t care. My nonchalant attitude that I have had my entire life is now on 1000, so it’s most likely that I really don’t care. I can’t, I don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to those that won’t give the same to me or are just wasting my time. However, the biggest thing that I have learned is value. Learning what and who I value. Watching and learning what and who values me. I’m not putting up with people who prove my value to them isn’t important. The value of my time and most importantly the value of myself. I will probably lose a lot of people who have been used to just calling on me when it’s convenient for them, but I could care less. When dealing with others and their dealings with me, I don’t care about your excuses. I have always been able to tell they were bullshit, but now, I’m not even entertaining them. Just be honest. My BS detector is at full capacity now and will go off when I detect your bullshit.

My writing and podcast from now on will be showcasing all of my growth because it is real and who I am. Some may like it, and some won’t. I can’t do anything about that. Like I have mentioned before, I need to write, speak on and do what makes me happy and what is real to me. That is how I am and I truly wish others to be like that with me. So here is to 42 years on this crazy, ghetto ass earth! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!