My health journey…Part 1: Accepting the worst

One day I woke up and said to myself, “I’m tired of being fat. I’m going to go ahead and look into bariatric surgery.” Can you imagine constantly gaining weight without any explanation at all. I don’t over eat, I’m very active, I don’t eat foods that are supposed to make you “gain weight” and/or “bad for you.” Sometimes I wish that I loved food as much as I looked like I did; then I would’ve possibly had a reason to accept being so overweight. This is why I tell people not to judge a book by its cover. You never know what someone is going through. And this isn’t just about weight…this is about a lot (not everything) that I was going through. So what was it? How did I get to this point? That would be frustrating to you as well wouldn’t it? This just wasn’t who I was; I didn’t feel like myself anymore. Now trust me…I know others out here are worse off than I was. However, this is about me. I can only speak and be completely frank about myself…no one else.

Eventually, you would get to the point where it’s time to take drastic measures. Something told me that it was much more than just…”being fat.” There had to be an underlying issue that is causing this and it was so much more than just the weight. Even my doctors were confused. They ordered all sorts of tests that came back that I was in “excellent health.” Yes…that was amazing news, but made it even more frustrating at the same time. No one in such “excellent health” is going to feel the way that I did. I was well over 100 pounds overweight and gaining that within a short period of time is not normal. Especially after losing so much weight before. I don’t care how much you eat. So again I ask…WHAT IS IT? WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME? Hearing there’s nothing wrong with me for years pissed me off even more. I would just be told; “You need to lose weight.” Duh!!! “Do you want information on various diet plans?” And the one that would take me out was; “Have you ever considered bariatric surgery?” You’re suggesting surgery instead of listening to me that it’s more going on here. I was trying to get help because hello…I knew something wasn’t right. I became so frustrated with my doctors and these other “specialist” that I decided to find another family doctor. Maybe this time someone would actually listen to me and take the steps to get me help. That’s all I wanted was at least someone to listen to me and not just look at me and diagnose my ass as FAT!

This weight gain was not only embarrassing, but also took a toll on my body physically; then started messing with me mentally. I was weak, tired and always in pain. I felt like I was losing my will to enjoy life. Enough was enough! It was time to make a change and take charge…”By any means necessary!”

Fast forward to the beginning of June 2016. I had my first appointment with my new doctor. This was the day that I actually started my long journey to where I am now. Going into these things I never knew what to expect, but it was usually the worse. I told myself that I was going to go in there with the attitude that I know something’s wrong with me and I need help. I’m not leaving until we discuss this in-depth and I actually know you’re listening. If nothing is found…then at least I wanted this doctor to recommend me for bariatric surgery. Yes it got to that point. I was ready to face the fact that weight loss surgery was the only cure.

THE APPOINTMENT! I go in for my first doctor’s appointment and I get called right back. What…no waiting? I’m here for it. That alone was a blessing in itself. With my old doctors, I would wait forever to finally get back and be seen. After the nurse took my vitals and gathered all of my information, including the reason for my visit; not even 5 minutes later the doctor came in. YEEEEAAASSSSS! So far…so good! That was another breath of fresh air. Immediately I got such a wonderful and clear vibe from him. I pride myself on being a pretty good judge of character and he had already won me over and didn’t even know it! Still…because I am who I am (always on guard); I’m still watching your every move sir. I told him my situation and how over the years my weight had constantly gone up and down. That within ten years I was at my smallest and heaviest. I let him know that I don’t eat a lot and why I never really had been able to consume a lot of food. It’s because I’ve had an indigestion issue in the past that prevented me from being able to eat “normal size meals.” I advised him that I was diagnosed with acute indigestion in my teen’s when I first started gaining weight, but according to a previous doctor; she said that I wasn’t showing any signs of indigestion problems and that I most likely out grew it. So…listening to the doctor…I thought that I did. My new doctor was asking all of the questions I was hoping he would ask me and then some. Then it happened…the most important question he could ask and I had NEVER been asked before was…”Had I been checked for acute indigestion again?” “Nope!” I replied. “I had never been tested again and I was always dismissed as just being overweight and to get weight loss surgery.” He was not pleased one bit and he had no problem letting it be known that he wasn’t pleased. The next thing I knew he started scheduling various test that would focus on the problem areas. He sternly let me know that we were going to get to the bottom of this before the end of the summer. I just remember sitting there in complete shock. Is this really happening? Yes it was!

A few days later a surgeon (who would end up doing my surgery) had his office call me to advise that they’re keeping up with the results of my appointments to see if he can help in any way. Excuse me? My doctor actually reached out to a surgeon who specializes in stomach and bariatric surgery to get help. My dude wasn’t playing any games and I was here for all of it. I finally felt a little peace…just from that. I NEVER had this much attention on my health before and it was way overdue.

Within the first two weeks after my first appointment with my new doctor; I was scheduled for two tests. He was on it and I was impressed! These tests were two separate ultrasounds that detected different areas of my stomach and esophagus. Thank goodness for these ultrasounds because it was discovered that my indigestion issue had actually resurfaced and this time it came back in full effect. Once again, I was diagnosed with acute indigestion. Oh…did I mention that this disease could be fatal? Talk about a mind fuck, but I had to accept it and I also had to believe that this was the worse thing I was going to go through! I truly believed it was going to get better from here on out. Thank goodness for my persistence, listening to my body and having an AMAZING doctor who went above and beyond is what’s going to get me through this.

My stomach flared up so bad this time that the lower part of my stomach was only functioning at around only 20%. So basically 80% of what I would eat just sat there in my stomach for a long time. Basically my lower stomach was on life support. The food that I consumed would digest at an extremely slow pace; hence the unbearable pain and constant weight gain. Well…at least this time I had a team that was willing to help me as well as an actual diagnosis on paper. I knew it was about to be a long process, but I had no idea of what I was about to encounter for the next year. This year would be filled with many ups and downs; but it was also a year of growth and self-discovery. This would also be a year of frustration and pisstivity (I know that’s not a word) which I will get into that later. So let the craziness begin. Stay tuned! More to come………..