1 Year Post-Op

Lord have mercy! Where do I begin? I know that in past blog postings I’ve given you all the tea on my journey as well as updates on how I’ve been feeling post-op about everything involving my surgery. But now…as of August 7, 2018 it’s been officially one year since my gastric surgery. I wanted to wait until after I had my one year post-op appointment which was this past Friday before I made this post. I’m happy to say that my surgeon is extremely happy with my weight loss and my change of lifestyle. (This is a lifestyle change…not someone’s sexuality. Just thought I would throw that in there) Anyway…I can’t believe how fast this year went by. It seriously flew by so damn fast. I know time flies, but this took me completely out. I clearly remember every minute leading up to being wheeled back to the operation room, to them putting the anesthesia on me to the recovery process back at home. Even the struggle going back to work and feeling like I would never feel “normal” again. From then to now…I just can’t believe how far I’ve come. It’s seriously crazy to think about it. My mind and body have caused me to go through so many changes in different ways. Any major surgery will most definitely mess with your mind; however, when your body is changing so rapidly, it can cause even more of a total mind fuck. Sorry for the language, but that’s what it is. August 7, 2017 was a new start for me. That’s how I look at it. After gaining so much weight over a short period of time without hardly any explanation; to where my body is now…man…I never would’ve thought I could feel so good again. I still have a long way to go, but at least I’m at a great point and I’ve had a great start.

In a year, I’ve lost 127.3 pounds…exactly. That’s just from my surgery date. Prior to that I lost 19 pounds on my own from when I was at my highest weight ever. That’s a total of 146 pounds. Ummmm…excuse me…that’s a whole person. So yes…I have every right to be feeling myself right now LOL! I was never someone who over ate…because due to my condition I couldn’t. I will admit that I didn’t always eat the right things, or even at the right times. I would always eat late, because usually I wasn’t hungry and I had to force myself to eat most of the time. I would refuse to let myself go to sleep without something on my stomach. That wasn’t smart either. Since my surgery, I’ve had to discipline myself and get into a structured routine to balance out my eating schedule. I’ve learned what my body can and can not tolerate. I’ve learned what trigger foods are. Those are foods that you start eating and can’t stop. They will usually lead you to eating other things that are bad for you. A lot of people may say sweets, bread, numerous snacks…mine is potato chips. And yes…I still have them, I’ve just changed the kind that I eat, how much I eat at once and I’ve also found alternatives to potato chips. I only ration my sweet intake to my morning…and sometimes afternoon coffee. I make sure that I don’t put as much sweetener in as I did in the past and that’s helped me to not tolerate making it sweeter than I do. I still can’t get with the artificial sweeteners; except maybe stevia every now and then. Another weakness of mine that I had to work on breaking was eating so much pasta and rice. I LOVE PASTA AND RICE! I’ve started eating some alternatives such and zoodles, riced cauliflower and broccoli, whole wheat pasta, long-grain rice. It’s not what I’m used to, but it’s a mind trick…just trick yourself into thinking it’s the regular kind. You know that it isn’t, but it allows it to be halfway tolerable. The more you eat it, you do get used to it. I was meal-prepping prior to my surgery, but now it’s become a way of life. I suggest meal-prepping to get started in a structured routine. Yes…it can be a pain and time-consuming, but once you get used to it, it becomes easy and a normal part of my normal, weekly routine. I will post some of my meals that I’ve made as well as my meal prep ideas in another blog post. I’m a very picky eater, so if I can do this…you can too.

I posted in the previous paragraph how much weight I’ve lost. One of the most fulfilling things for me was getting rid of all of my HUGE clothes. I’ve seriously got rid of more than half of my closet. Even clothes that I bought after my surgery…some which were too small at the time of purchase…and today, to say that they’re now too big is an amazing feeling. I don’t care if I wasted money…the feeling is priceless. Shopping off the rack with so many options is overwhelming. Even just finding clearance items…and having options with those is a great feeling. It feels weird to say that something is too baggy, because no matter what it was before…the baggier the better. To buy skinny pants…to buy shirts that are more form-fitting is a beautiful thing. It also makes me look better and more like my age LOL. I’m three shirt sizes smaller than I was last year! THREE!!! Do you know how great that feels!?! I’ve lost close to seven inches in my waste and went down half a size in shoes. Even my watch bands for my Apple Watch can fit more snug, both my hat and my bra sizes went down. It’s pretty unbelievable, but I’m here for all of it. Physically…just to be able to work out the way that I want to. To be able to ride a bike. To be able to walk down my long driveway to the mailbox, or to take the trash and recycle bins down and not be out of breath is a great feeling. To be able to work in the yard, shovel the driveway, clean the house without being winded. Run up and down the stairs seems so natural now. I went for my first jog a few weeks ago and I was almost emotional. As an athletic person…this was a huge deal for me. Having this feeling is enough insurance for me that I will NEVER go back to where I was. EVER!

I get asked all of the time if people treat me differently or do I notice a change in people around me since I’ve been losing so much weight? Yes! Definitely! For the most part it’s extremely supportive and positive. I have great people around me. I was already getting people out of my life who are destructive. Those people can bring you down to their level of destruction even if you don’t consider yourself to be. But yes…there’s some crazy things that get said to me on the sly. I usually don’t say anything back, but people should know that I’m a pro at detecting shade. So I hear you…trust me I do. Recently, one of my friends told me that they refuse for me to be the “skinny friend.” I understand what they were saying because I know them so well, but then a part of me realized that obviously that’s how I’ve always been looked at…mainly as the “fat friend.” The one who was always just a little bit bigger than you. I’ve noticed that some people don’t invite me places anymore like they used to. You would think that now they would because I look and feel better, but I guess that’s a problem for some. Some people try to get me to eat things that aren’t good for me…or drink alcohol when I’ve said that I’m trying to wait before I drink again, if I ever do. People will make comments about what I eat and how much of it I can eat, which isn’t much and they know why. To me…that’s not encouraging. It’s no secret that my diet has changed and the amount of food I can eat at once should be no surprised since more than half of my already damaged stomach was removed. And no…this is not to come off as making it seem like people are jealous of me or anything, but I just find it extremely weird that people who know what I went through and what I’m still are going through would make these type of comments. It’s already enough mentally what I’ve been going through for years, but I’m still going through these changes mentally. Some people like to make everything about them, and if it’s not they don’t know how to act. Like I said…I see and I hear you!

Speaking of my mentality…Mentally…I’ve become a calmer person. Almost to the point where I don’t recognize myself. I mean…it could be the meds…I won’t deny that; but I also contribute it to being in a better place with my health and spirituality. It’s amazing what that will do for you. I just don’t see the need to be so combative with people. I realized that it took way too much time and energy to go back and forth with people over such trivial things. I rarely pay attention to anyone anyway, but now my IDGAF meter is off the radar more than it always has been. I just don’t care. I could care less how people view me or what they think about me and it’s so freeing. Currently my anxiety has been through the roof and I have no idea why. I catch myself clenching my teeth throughout the day and having headaches. I definitely need to see about that. I don’t know where this change in anxiety has come from. I already had issues and I’m on medication for it it, but this is different. Maybe it’s from everything I’m going through and trying to do. Hell…I don’t know LOL! I still have my moments of being down and sometimes feeling depressed, but that’s a totally different creature that I need to look at.

All in all…I feel great! Not only great but amazing! Honestly…words can’t express how I truly feel. Not being dramatic…I’m dead serious; it’s really hard to describe. I couldn’t imagine a year ago that I would be here. Feeling and looking the way I do. Being able to do what I’m doing. Having a new outlook on life. I felt that I was always a confident person, but now I see that I definitely wasn’t. But now that confidence is coming into existence. So where do I go from here? Still doing the same ol’ shit! SOS new day…everyday! I have a lot of motivators to get me to where I not only need to be, but where I want to be. Hopefully, I’ve inspired others to change some things in their lifestyle to get the pounds off or just to make better decisions. Many will say that I had surgery so I cheated or that I had an unfair start. Not only was my surgery a life or death matter, but we all need to start somewhere. The thing is not only starting but continuing. And I plan on continuing this journey for the rest of my life!